Kiwi Quirks No. 2: Shorts

What is it with New Zealanders and shorts?

The Jackson effect
Before we came to New Zealand we thought the fact that Peter Jackson wore shorts while shooting scenes halfway up a snow-covered mountain for 'The Lord of The Rings' was a sign of eccentricity. However, we now know better. Instead of marking him out as an eccentric, this behaviour merely confirms that the esteemed film director is just like every other New Zealand male. A true Kiwi Bloke wears shorts all year round, (even if there's a wind chill factor of minus twenty) and for every occasion, no matter how formal. He'll even pop on a pair of 'dress shorts' for his own wedding.

fig. 1: Peter Jackson - not so eccentric after all

Big boys
In the UK only boys under the age of seven ever wear shorts to school, and most boys nowadays wear long trousers as soon as they enter reception class at the age of five. The first time I saw a group of sixth-form lads wearing shorts as part of their uniform I felt terribly embarrassed for them. If they had been in the UK I would probably have told them to stay off the streets to avoid getting beaten up.

fig. 2: painfully emasculated

Beach wear
Figure 3 shows a pair of board shorts, or boardies, so called because they're worn by surfers. (In New Zealand they're probably worn by snowboarders too.) Boardies are de rigeur on the high street. Iain's even got a couple of pairs and he's never been near a surf board in his life.

fig. 3: a pair of boardies

Eurgh!
And finally we come to figure 4, a pair of very short shorts, known affectionately as stubbies. In Europe, shorts this short were last seen at the 1970 World Cup, but over here they're still kicking around. I had hoped to find a photo of a pair of stubbies being worn by a typical owner - a red-faced bloke in his fifties, with excessively hairy legs, large gut hanging out over the waistband, and the back seam splitting under enormous strain. It's probably just as well I didn't.

fig. 4 a pair of stubbies